Day 6 of 28 (long post & replies)

I dreamed about food again. A LOT of fucking food. I was an absolute, disgusting pig in my dream and I woke up panicked. I'm so relieved to know I didn't actually eat any of that. I felt so helpless in my sleep, but I'm in control when I'm awake. Damn subconscious. I took my measurements this morning and have posted them on the side bar. I lost a few inches so I'm proud of myself, but I'm really mad that my ass (and the part on the side of my legs that goes around to my ass) isn't getting ANY smaller! How can I expect to fit in cute jeans if I can't get them over my enormous backside? I want one of those cute, tiny asses that's just the right size to make two handfuls. Anyway, the scale said 164-something and then I peed again, so I weighed again and it said 163-something, but I don't know if I totally believe that. I think it was just all the water coming out. I'm sticking with 164 for now.

I have some coworkers coming over later today. They both want to join the Air Force to get away from Pizza Hut, but the AF has pretty strict weight requirements. You would never get through basic training if you're overweight - it's that intense, and every military branch we have is required to undergo basic (Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force, etc.). Anyway, one of them needs to lose just under 100lbs and the other needs to lose just over 100lbs, just to be in the normal weight range. I am, believe it or not, one of the thinner people at PH. It's sad how many of them just let themselves go after they started working there. It's the food choices they make. *shakes head*

My point is, they're coming over because they asked for help in losing weight. I know a ton about healthy eating and exercise, even if I don't always personally use that knowledge. I've written up guides for both of them with nutrition and exercise tips and tricks, and I'll be walking them both through different steps they'll need to take on their journey to lose weight. I'm going to make them do this the healthy way. They don't know about my personal food issues and they don't need to be dragged down with me, so I'm keeping it legit. I just hope they will take my advice seriously and not give up on themselves, because willpower is the biggest key in losing weight. I hope they have it in massive amounts for how much they need to lose.

They're not interested in being thin at all. The only reason they want to lose weight at all is to join the AF, and they're only willing to lose the minimum they need to, so they can be at the top of the normal weight range and make it through basic. I don't understand that kind of thinking personally, but to each their own. I won't be able to do a video post today because it's Sunday, which means my dad is off work, and since he has NO social life he will be here all day in front of the TV. I hate having a roommate sometimes. I also need to take out my trash because there's a little pile of food in it now consisting of brussels sprouts, onions, and mushy cereal - my lovely little lies.

My dad commented AGAIN today on how much water I'm drinking. He was all: you know too much water can be toxic, right? NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK! It's not like he's been over my shoulder watching how much I drink, though, so how would he fucking know how much I've had to drink? Also, I use a water calculator to find out how much water is healthy for me on a daily basis. Also, I'm on a water fast, so I need to drink more than usual anyway. ALSO, it's more about how much you drink at one time. You can get away with drinking a LOT of water as long as you drink it gradually. I don't just sit there and chug a gallon at a time, jeez.

And who is he to think he can give me any kind of health advice? He weighs over 220lbs and sits on his ass all day doing nothing about it, and his health is terrible. His doctor told him he needs to lose weight for his heart health but does he listen? No. He'll act like he's going to change his eating habits for a little while, then he'll fall back into the same pattern and gain weight all over again. So he does not need to be telling me anything about my weight.

It's kind of a sensitive issue for me because in high school he used to tell me all the time that I needed to lose weight. He would say things like: You're going to get as big as a house. How the fuck can anyone think that's a helpful thing to say to a teenage girl? It didn't help me. It gave me self-esteem and confidence issues. It made me feel like an elephant. I blame him for a lot, I really do. He doesn't know how to talk to people without being offensive. He doesn't know how to express his opinions in a way that isn't hurtful to others, and I think part of that has rubbed off on me. I hate how harsh and blunt I can be sometimes, because I know it alienates me and makes some people not like me. I get it from him, and that fills me with resentment.

I'm sorry for all my ramblings. This turned out to be a much longer post than I expected. I'm going to shut up now and get back to watching Bones. If you left a comment on either of my last two posts then check below. I've replied to each of you individually. *scurries off*

@Hope to be thin - I do carry some relatively heavy things at my job, so that could explain why my height in the evening is much less than in the morning. All of the pressure on my spine could definitely squish it down. My throat is actually feeling much better this morning! :)

@Mia - I'm sure everything will work itself out eventually. If you guys had a strong friendship before it may be possible to get that back. It will just take time and effort on both of your parts.

@Nasimiyu - I know! Isn't it great?!? I love getting through my goals :D I'm hoping I will be around 150 at the end of my fast *crosses fingers* Sorry for the scare, I changed my URL because I got tired of this one. I guess I will just leave it be, though, since no one could find me. :/

@mlw - Sorry! Stupid blogger apparently doesn't know how to re-route people when you change your URL *grumble*

@FatBitch - I will do a vid post soon, I promise. :) Check out this post for more information on fasts: Water Fast. The links I provided there aren't only good for water fasts. They will also lead you to information on juice fasts. I think you will find the middle link particularly helpful. Good luck and let me know if you decide to do it!

@Gracereturnsslowly - Aww hun I'm sorry! I'm sure you will do better. You just have to really believe in yourself. Willpower is everything. Stay strong - I believe in you! I saw your picture post, by the way, and I think you look great. :)

@missinsanity. - Oy... yeah I hate them. I don't know how it's possible, but I guess we've just completely shattered the belief that you can only get them after eating. *shruggle* The body is a strange, strange machine sometimes... Video blog soon ^^

@Christina - I don't mind your ramblings. As witnessed above, I tend to ramble a lot too sometimes. :) Greek is freaking AMAZING! I thought when I first saw the TV ads, like when it first came out, that I would hate it. It took me a long time to actually give it a chance, and it turns I LOVE IT! :D I would definitely recommend giving it a watch.