Catharsis

I cried last night. I curled up in a little ball and let it out. I haven't done that in a long while now. I also wrote a few poems to unleash my inner angst. I found it all to be quite cathartic. I will share one below, because I think many of you might be able to relate.

Seeds of Destruction

We sew our destruction
One seed at a time
I sit back in my chair
And watch reality unwind
The ties that bound me
That held me to this place
Have snapped and broken
I've fallen from grace
What I would give
For it to be enough
Oh, just to live
Without making a bluff
I can't see through my broken eyes
The mirror I hate will tell me no lies
Someday I will be perfect
Someday I will be enough
Until then I will work harder
And no one will call my bluff

I have read all your new blog entries this morning and I have to apologize for not commenting. I do not have the energy currently. I'm in a weird sort of limbo emotionally, and I'll have to get ready for work in a few minutes. I cut last night, for the first time in five years. Not much, I didn't even bleed, but I was just so upset. It's difficult for me to deal with the fact that she left me because of my ED. She said the blog and the whole blog community was a joke, and that eating disorders do not exist. She says we all just want attention, and that really hurt me. She has been reading my blog since the beginning of our relationship and she supported me, said she thought it was good for me. Then last night she changed her mind all of a sudden, and I don't know what to do with that. I cannot believe she said those things to me. I am going to have some herbal tea now and maybe some rice cakes before I go off to work.

Thank you to the following people for commenting in my last two posts: On a mission, Jackie, Christina, Gracereturnsslowly, and Kate.